Do-Overs

I'm beginning to look at my life as a constant stream of do-overs. I've always harbored a love of September... the traditional month of new shoes, new clothes, new books, new school year. It's a gimme do-over, you get it free each year. Here's some others:
Second marriage - what a fabulous do-over this was for me. It's so wonderful to go through life with someone who is on the same team.
A second child - always hoping that one won't make the same mistakes twice. It's impossible, of course, since they aren't blank slates.
New places to live - had a bunch of those! How fun is it to re-invent oneself within a community that knows nothing about your previous self?
A plethora of jobs - It's always great to start a new job with one's pie-in-the-sky hopes and aspirations.
Which brings us to my current do-over.

I started massage school in January. When Ma was dying, all of the very best nurses aides and hospice people seemed to come from a somatic background. This really resonated for me. I had thought about massage school when I quit work 5 years ago, but babies got in the way. So I looked into it and lo and behold, I was able to get right into a course.

I quit massage school this week. When I started, I knew it was a possibility it wouldn't work out. With a move to Ohio looking likely, my Kentucky certification would be useless. I suppose if I really, really loved it, I would have finished the course for the hell of it, but there were other circumstances. Dan never wanted my job and didn't sign on for it. Rather it was thrust at him when I decided to go back to school and he was supportive in that he accepted it, (although not without grumblings.) The kids, especially Naomi, missed her Mama. The course itself had a pretty demanding emotional component which was a surprise. The course work was also more demanding and time consuming than I had bargained for, meaning my resources were pretty stretched to cover my responsibilities at home as well as school. I've also got a theory (now that I know more about it,) that either you're a natural, or you have to work very very hard, and I'm not a natural. I'm choked about the 'q' word, but I know it was the right decision for me to quit.

When Dan quit his civilial job, it was to support me while Ma was dying, and allow me the time and space to be a daughter. Once that was over with, both of us put my wellness as a number one focus. Five years of insomnia, four years of pregnancy/nursing, and the last two years of stresses had really taken their toll on me and I was just not well. Going to school kind of jump-started me. After being so low-functioning for my five years stay-at-home, it was a challenge to get back on a wake-up-every-damn-morning-and-go-do-something schedule. I was intellectually stimulated for the first time in god-knows-when and I was able to really rise to it. In fact, I was kind of jonesing for a more academic course. I was totally digging the anatomy and physiology part of it. So I'm able to come away with the reassurance that my brain still works, despite its recent history of atrophy.

I'm re-focussing on my wellnes in general, with my physical fitness being paramount. I am just way too fat! I'm packing an extra 30 pounds now, and with my family history, I'm way risking a nasty case of Type II diabetes. Dan's taking charge, putting me on the Body For Life Modified Dan Plan. At the Gym 6 days a week - 3 cardio, 3 weights. Lots of high protein and complex carb snacks. Extra work in the garden and walking with the kids. 12 weeks, and I should be able to wear some of my old fat pants. (I have no pants that fit right now.)